Ah the good old days, remembering our lengthy evening chats on future goals, our ambitions, places we wanted to travel too, our next weekend away together or family holiday. I say the good old days, but that was only a year ago! Conversations these days include ‘you should have seen Freya’s funny face she pulled this morning’ or ‘ you’ll never guess, Freya slept for a full 2 hours this morning, i got lots of housework done’.
Now i’m not saying this is a negative change, it’s just a change, things are a little different now.
I’ll be honest, i can’t say i thought about how our relationship may change after a baby or how frustrated i may sometimes get over little things like washing my hair! I know how ridiculous that sounds but new mum’s know exactly what i’m talking about.
I was lucky enough to have 10 months maternity leave and only return to work 2 days per week. Now i don’t know about you lot but trying to look after a baby all day, get myself ready, get the baby ready, eat, prepare food, do some washing, get the shopping, have a little clean, make meals, well i’m tired just even thinking about it. It’s not a 9 to 5 job, it’s a 24/7 job with you as primary carer and it’s nice to have that recognised. My 2 days at work is sometimes like a little break, at least i can get a cup of coffee hot or eat my lunch with both hands if needed, i can even have adult conversations. But i won’t lie, i do miss her cheeky face when i’m not with her.
Now i may get annoyed with my beloved other half more than i used too, but as far as daddy’s and partners go, well i have to admit, i do have a good one. He helps with the housework, we’ve always took turns in night feeds and he does make me feel very loved. However, we are far from perfect, although i am slightly more perfect than he is. I always say an argument every now and then shows the passion in a relationship and how much you care, on the plus side the making up is great. If you had no disagreements, well, that’s just boring and maybe even says that you’re just not that bothered?
So what are the changes and disagreements about you may ask, well, read on…
How do i look?
How many of you find it impossible to shower, do your hair (like actually clean it), put on some make up and get ready all in one go whilst having a baby with you? Wouldn’t you love to just wash your hair, maybe even paint your nails or stick on some fake tan to give yourself a little boost but the opportunity never really appears as there is always something that needs doing.
Putting the kids to bed, making the tea, finishing some work or whether in fact you’re just so blooming tired you want to lie on the couch with a cup of tea or glass of wine and don’t even care your legs need shaving and are starting to resemble something from Planet of the Apes! It’s even more frustrating when your other half hasn’t really got a clue, he’s showered and ready in ten minutes, child free and if on the off chance you do have the opportunity, within 20 minutes your presented with ‘how long do you think you’ll be’…roll on argument number 1
So, you’ve just given birth only weeks ago, you haven’t had a slap of make up on since, you have a bit of a wobbly baby belly, maybe carrying a little extra weight, prickly legs, emotions flying all over the place and the thought of being naked does not make you feel sexy, plus you are just so blooming tired. The last thing that is even crossing your mind is a little slap and tickle, you’d rather do nothing at all because that very rarely happens too. But we do have to think about it at some point, it is important when you are feeling a little more used to things, getting yourself organised and on top of things, you take the time to stick that make up on, buy some new underwear and get that intimacy back. Feel close and connected and just to remember how god damn sexy you are!
When a tiny little bundle comes into your life and your just bursting with love, they do consume a lot of your affection. Now i’m not saying i’m an ice queen but…!
Freya is showered with kisses and cuddles all day long and if i’m honest, i sometimes neglect my other half, bless him. That’s why it’s so important for date night, to spend some time with just each other, who cares if the conversation does revolve around babies and teenagers, just to have that time away from the distractions of TV’s, housework and everything else, it’s just the 2 of you. It’s sometimes like a big effort for date night to happen but it’s totally worth it when you come home laughing, hand in hand and just remembering why you fell in love with him.
How do i?
Now i don’t think there’s a qualification in having a baby but i do think men assume you have achieved one of these qualifications asking many many questions such as ‘what clothes shall i put on her today’ ‘what can i give her for dinner’ ‘is this bath too hot’, you get the picture. I don’t know whether it’s down to;
- Easier for them to ask without thinking
- They’re scared of doing something wrong
- They’re scared of being told off for doing something wrong
How many times have they done something without asking and possibly been told they’ve done it wrong? We do have a tendency to put them right for doing things wrong and i do give Mark a funny look when i see Freya in clashing prints in a ‘what were you thinking’ sort of way.
My advice, embrace the changes, talk to each other and don’t assume he knows what’s wrong because let’s be honest, they really aren’t very good at that game!!